Every Timeshare Worker Is a Liar, Plus, Adventures in Surrealism

ACT I

(Scene: A Man in a bowler hat and his wife with a tiny umbrella walk down the Las Vegas Strip)

Man: What a lovely day for a constitutional!

Wife: Rather!

(Enter: a nefarious Penguin)

Penguin: Good day, goody two! Do you like steak?

Man: Do I!

Penguin: Would you like to see a free show?

Wife: Does the pope expunge his bowels in the woods?

Penguin: (With nasty, nefarious maleficence) Then just hop on this bus! It will take you to a vacation-ownership presentation that will take no more than one hour and one half!

Man: Bully! Capital idea!

ACT II

(Scene: Man in bowler hat and Wife with tiny umbrella are seated in a room with other presently happy couples. Sitting with Man and Wife is Imperial Penguin.)

Man: Now I understand this presentation will take no more than one hour and one half.

Imperial Penguin: Absolutely. This meeting will take no longer than one hour and one half. I assume you are already owners?

Man and Wife: (Blinking, in unison) Sorry, no. We sort of assumed us not being owners was what you were looking for when the other penguin got us from off of the street. Har Har!

Imperial Penguin: Absolutely. This meeting will absolutely take longer than one hour and one half.

Wife: But! You just said...

Imperial Penguin: I just said this meeting will absolutely take longer than one hour and one half.

Man: But! Before that...

Imperial Penguin: (Glances at waterfall in corner; water starts flowing backwards) QUACK! QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!

Man and Wife: (Run towards door.)

ACT III

(Scene: Man in bowler hat and Wife with tiny umbrella are seated at a restaurant.)

Wife: I am surprised that the Hawaiian Tropics Zone's waitresses are clad merely in swimsuits.

Man: (Removes bowler hat to reveal a daisy growing out of his bald head) As am I, my dear Wife; as am I.

Curtain