Friday, May 11, 2007

That Rascal Raskolnikov, Or, Who Liked Match Point?

I watched Match Point last night, and it was very, very different from the image of it that I had in my mind. I understood that this was a Woody Allen movie, and I also knew that this one was not trying to be funny, but then I thought, how is that different from the rest of his movies?

This got me to thinking about other movies that were very different in my mind before I watched them. I'll start with Match Point.

1) Match Point

What I thought it was going to be: A touching, moving, sad movie a la Lost in Translation or Broken Flowers starring Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor as star crossed lovers who just couldn't manage to get their relationship together.

What it was: A movie that either stole or homaged some ideas from Crime and Punishment about how living above any sense of morality is going to bite you in the end. Perhaps Allen got the "bite you in the end" idea from Soon Yi. In addition, Ewan McGregor was nowhere to be found in this movie; I guess the actor looks enough like him on the dvd cover to fool me, even though I'm certain the actor's name must have also been on the dvd cover, probably very near the picture of the actor, leaving me with no excuse for thinking that McGregor was in this movie. Also, that actor was pretty good, whatever his name was.

2) Man of the Year

What I thought it was going to be: An opportunity for Robin Williams, who is generally funny, to do some funny, broad, ridiculous acting and get people to like him again through the general buffoonery of his character. Basically, I thought it was going to be a funny movie that would appeal to the same people who like Mrs. Doubtfire.

What it was: There was some funny to this movie; it started out being a movie with some overly artistic camera shots featuring witty banter with Williams' associates. However, this movie was primarily about a bug in a new voting system, with people willing to kill people who knew about the bug. And not in funny ways, like by giving out exploding cigars.

3) Employee of the Month

What I thought it was going to be: A movie that prominently displays Dane Cook's horrible acting (see: Saturday Night Live skits involving Dane Cook), Jessica Simpson's, erm, assets, and the priviledge of seeing both of those things with a view time of no more than 70 minutes. Also, I figured some crude innuendo would thrown in for good measure.

What it was: A movie that prominently displays Jessica Simpson's horrible acting for 103 grueling minutes. Seriously, the government would be in a lot less international hot water if they just made the folks we're holding at Guantanamo Bay watch this movie. I mean, if I've never committed war crimes, and I would be willing to confess to said war crimes that I didn't commit after watching this movie, I'm sure they would too. Nah, it's too cruel and unusual, even for terrorists. That being said, Dax Shepard was kind of funny.

p.s. I inadvertantly watched three Dax Shepard movies in the last couple months. The other two are Idiocracy and Let's Go to Prison, both of which are very funny, but very innapropriate. For anyone. Ever.

Monday, May 07, 2007

College Memory

Professor (during a small off-topic conversation during class): What type of flowers can you get a girl when you go on a date?

Classmate 1: Roses?

Professor: Good. What else?

Classmate 2: Tulips?

Professor: Excellent. Anyone else have an idea?

Me: Carnations?

Professor: (Insert, in my opinion, excessive laughter here) What are you? Cheap?

Me: (Flushed)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Thought for the Day

When you own a gay bar, do you set out to own a gay bar? Or, do you set up a bar, and one day you look around and say to yourself, "Huh. Looks like I own a gay bar."