1: Googleplex Carebear - I went on a chorale trip to Hungary and Romania, and in one of those countries, the words for "Thank you" sounded to me a lot like the words googleplex carebear, so that's what I said, oftentimes with a slight lisp. Mostly I think I just said it to my chorale mates. I'd hate to think I'm an ugly American.
2: Gollum's Cave - I did a play version of The Hobbit in which I played the Bilbo Baggins, who is, you know, the hobbit. Get it? Anyways, there is a part in the show in which Bilbo is supposed to be lost in Gollum's cave, and he cries out "Is there anyone out there?" I was usually met with silence, but one matinee, I called out, and a little boy responded loudly, "No!" I pretty much broke character at that and had a good laugh. Wouldn't you?
3: Goonies - I have never seen it. I don't know why I have never seen it, but I haven't. Everyone is surprised at this. I am not surprised.
4: Goody Wife - This is how I will sometimes refer to my wife. I apparently believe the year to be 1620 and each of my shoes to have a large buckle on top.
5: Groundlings - This is an improv group up in L.A. that my wife took me and my brother to go see one time. Many of their cast members go on to be in SNL. I would love to take a class from them, but the commute continually proves to be problematic. One day I'll get there.
6: Gramma - When I was littler (read: 14 or 15), I used give my gramma some chips, and then, while she was chewing, I would stick the back of my neck under her chin while she chewed because it tickled me. That was funny times, man. I love my gramma.
7: Grapes - This may be my favorite joke*: A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier, "Got any grapes?" The cashier replies, "Nope, sorry, we don't carry them." The duck says, "Thanks," and leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back and says, "Got any grapes?" The cashier looks at him quizzically and replies, "Nope, like I told you yesterday, we don't carry them." The duck says, "Thanks," and leaves.
This continues every day that week, until the cashier is wholly frusted. On Friday, the duck comes in, but before he can ask, the cashier says, "Listen duck, we don't have any grapes, and if you ask me that one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to my cash register." The duck says, "Thanks," and leaves.
The next day the duck walks in and asks the cashier if he has any nails. The cashier, thankful that the duck isn't again asking about grapes, laughs and says, "No, silly duck, this is a grocery store; we don't have any nails."
To this news, the duck replies, "Got any grapes?"
8: Golem - In some Jewish folklore, there is a story a man made out of clay called the golem who will one day rise up and save the Jewish people and/or destroy the world. A friend and I in junior high thought this (the destroying the world bit) was hilarious and wrote a very short song that we thought the golem would sing. It goes, "I am the golem, squish your head." With lyric writing like that, I'm not sure how I ended up a music major.
9: Groove Daddies - This was a band in my home town while I was in high school. I was in a different band, and my bandmates and I envisioned a West Side Story standoff between our band and their band. Or, maybe I just envisioned it.
10: Grover - No matter what you think about Family Guy, this clip is very funny. Okay, at least it's kind of funny. Okay, it's not really funny at all, but I needed a #10. Okay, I didn't really need a #10, because I was going to do this top nine list like Buttercup does over on her blog, but I thought better of myself.
*My new favorite joke is in the movie Up and it is told by a talking dog**. It goes something like, what did the squirrel say to the tree? It said, "Oh tree, I forgot to harvest my acorns in you during the summer and now it is winter and I am dead."
**Spoiler alert! Sorry, I should have put that first.
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