In one of my classes, we discussed different ways of incorporating figurative language into our writing about the theatre. This gave me an idea, which I will attempt here. I have decided to use similes that are too specific to be useful. As in:
"Today was as cold as October 14, 2009. My wife's eyes were as blue as Paula's eyes ever are. I, like a graduate student, carefully studied them, and I believed them to be as beautiful as the most beautiful eyes my wife ever had."
I discussed this idea with a friend tonight, who said if I could come up with three critics who agree with this usage (especially if I could sell it as a means of writing that is immediately useful, and then with each passing second becomes less useful) I could start a whole new field of literary criticism.
One can only dream.
P.S.: I, like Christie, will aim to get back to funny poop stories soon, although, to be fair, a poop story from me is not as funny. I guess I have been harrowed by it ever since a poop shot my father in cold blood.
10 hours ago