Monday, April 19, 2010

I Am the Center of Narcissism

This is not something that I am proud of, but let's spend a little time sharing, shall we? Perhaps sharing will let the metaphorical* crazy out.

Sometimes, I am concerned that people can hear what I'm thinking. Like, really. Like, for real-real, not for play-play. This happens particularly in my grad classes, where I would like to keep up the facade that I am a reasonably intelligent person, and not someone who occasionally lets his mind wander to favorite Ren and Stimpy episodes when we're discussing the ramifications of a writer's ethnicity on the work that he/she produced. Nevertheless, I will sometimes provide some unspoken color commentary,** and another member of the class will look at me, and I swear that they have heard what I thought.


And so, what I do, is to pretend to scream at the top of my lungs in my head under the assumption that if everybody can hear me that everyone will look at me due to this outburst.*** I will then have solid evidence that I am not crazy. This looks like this:

Student A: I think it shows an obvious sense of imperialism for Peter Brook, an Englishman, to adapt the Mahabharata, an Indian set of scriptures, for the stage.
Me: (in my head) It's log! Log! It's big, it's heavy, it's wood!
Student A: (Glancing at me)
Me: (in my head) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Everyone else: (Nothing. No response. They're very tricky.)

This line of thinking is not normal, people. This is not normal.

P.s.: Dear Sweetspotsweetie: I will happily accept a diagnosis from your husband. Very happily.

*Read: actual.
**Even some that is irrelevant to the discussion! Zing!


SweetSpotSweetie said...

LOL, AC! I will tell him to get right on it. I actually turned the light on the other night after we were already falling asleep and made him listen to (cough) the only (cough, cough) way that I'm crazy, then asked him if I was REALLY crazy or not. He said no, but I'm not sure I believe him. Hopefully you'll get better results than I did.

P.S. I know what you're thinking. No, really, I do.

Buttercup said...

"Inburst"??? LOVE that! I used to sit in 'big church" as a kid and wonder each week what would happen if I screamed during the sermon. Each time it would play out differently in my mind - once I imagined that a crew of stealth security men came in and dragged me out, another time the pastor and everyone in the congregation's mouths dropped open in utter shock, then their shoulders straightened with self-righteousness and they began yelling "Boo!" (Princess Bride style). I had a really overactive imagination as a kid. I bet Pete could help me out, too:)

Pete said...

Since I have only been through a few classes which mostly deal with disorders and diagnosis, all that I can tell you is that you have definate signs of paranoid ideation. You know... with the looking and the being scared, and the craziness! I am definately 22% sure that this is your diagnosis.

As for Buttercup, she suffers from disociative disorder brought on by an overactive imagination as a child. Seriously Buttercup, live in the now!