Monday, June 25, 2007

Zero Sum Games, or, Maybe I AM Crazy

My place of work has a fridge that is frequently restocked with various drinkable items on our floor. We employees get to partake of the aforementioned drinkables for free.

However, on the way to this fridge, I have to pass by the women's restroom. From time to time, as I pass this restroom, the door swings open and a female emerges. Now, I think most peoples' reactions to a sudden opening of a door would be to look and assess the situation, and I used to do just that.

However, the more that I thought about that, the more that I realized that it was perhaps uncouth to do so. After all, though the book is called Everybody Poops, I suspect that there is a reason that its follow-up book, I Just Got Done Pooping Minutes Ago, and I Would Like You to Know about It, Random Guy in the Hall, didn't sell quite as well.

So, I have taken to, whenever I notice that the women's restroom door is opening, immediately looking at the floor. This, however, poses its own problems:

1) I feel like I am being rude by not acknowledging other people's presence,
2) My sudden looking at the floor would almost certainly be construed as embarrassment, making me seem like an even more hermit-like figure on the 8th floor than I already am, and
3) If the person leaving the restroom is not a woman, and is in fact a zombie, I am going to spend my last few moments on earth being eaten alive considering how proper decorum has once again proven an inappropriate relic from the past.

This leaves me either with walking the long way to the fridge, appearing to be a weirdo, or appearing to be a pervert.

Sigh. Maybe I'm not thirsty after all.

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