The Device

Last night, I was cooking, and I needed to open a bottle of wine (in the Julia Child sense of cooking, of course: one to cook with, one for me; two to cook with, one two for me), so I asked my girlfriend if she had a corkscrew. She, at first, said that she didn't (because she likes to lie to me like that), but then she remembered that she did in a conversation that went like this:

gf: But I do have THE DEVICE (said in a lower, more ominous voice)
me: The device? Is not the simple machine of the screw device enough?
gf: Yeah, your mom gave it to me for Christmas.

At this point, she reaches up into the cupboard to produce the aptly titled(by my girlfriend) Device. It's a cork screw AND pepper grinder AND something else that I can't remember right now (facial hair trimmer, perhaps?). My first reaction is, of course, "Aha! That's why I haven't found any wine that I like; I'm not putting enough pepper in it." This was followed by thinking about how, if anything, this combination of devices would be inconvenient. I imagined an argument between a man who needs his bottle of wine opened versus a woman who needs some pepper on her salad, thus ruining an otherwise beautiful evening.

It's all right though; it is still a pretty good gift in the long run. This will be a corkscrew that will be too big to lose. Thanks Mom!