Monday, January 30, 2006

A Modest Proposal to Katie Holmes

Dear Miss Holmes:

I notice that you have, of late, become infatuated with a man who is stark raving mad. I further notice that you have accepted his seed and are with child.

Now, I am not here to throw stones; I am simply here to remind you that actions have consequences.

Surely, when you were allowing yourself to be impregnated, you had forgotten that when Ronald Reagan was Governor of the great state of California, he shut down most of the mental hospitals. What does this have to do with you, you ask? My assertation is that there will not be the necessary staff or facilities to treat your children, who will presumably also be loopy.

Therefore, I insist that for every child that you have with this one, you have ten children with myself or another person with a reasonable amount of sanity. The ten children can then grow to take care of their lunatic sibling.

I realize that you may be worried that your figure would then become somewhat less attractive, but you must consider the greater good.

Please respond to this posting, and I will get you in touch with a reproduction expert.

Analyst Catalyst

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