Nine Things I've Learned in the Last Week or So

1) The spider that lives outside of my apartment may very well be dead in that he hasn't really seemed to move in a couple weeks.

2) I figure that the spider's lack of movement is a devious ploy to get me to come closer to eat, at which point it will surely devour me, because

3) A few weeks ago, I watched the spider eating a moth that was much larger than itself, which prompted me to think, "Huh. The spider's eating its way up the food chain. It's slowly eating things that are bigger than it is...OH NO! I'm bigger than it is!"

4) Today, I found that our network at work is blocking out sports sites, to which I thought, "Haha, silly sports fans, having to work."

5) The comment to myself was met with sadness when I realized that I was a sports fan.

6) The page that announces that I've reached a blocked site claims that I can either use the back button to go back to whatever I was doing, or I can proceed if it's for "work purposes." I'm sorry, but you've got to have pretty big stones to claim that you're going to si.com for "work purposes."

7) The tv show "How I Met Your Mother," while occasionally trying too hard to be clever, is really, really funny.

8) Casino Royale was awesome in a way, that if I were awesome in that way, I would be James Bond.

9) Thanks to number 8, I've invented what I shall call the "zero sum" sentence. It shall be used to throw one's readers off guard by having to ask themselves, "Did that last sentence even make sense? It ended where it began..."