#10 - Top 13 Items to Get for Me

A Sledgehammer.

For smashing things like my ipod, laptop, head, and anything else that doesn't seem like it wants to cooperate with me this holiday season.

#11 - Top 13 Thing You Should Buy Me

I Heart Huckabees

I can't tell you how many time in the last few weeks I have said to myself, "Man, I wish I were watching "i heart huckabees." And now, gentle folks, you could make this dream a reality.

Actually, this poster to the left is pretty cool too, if you want to get me that.

No pressure.

#12 - Top 13 Things You Should Buy Me

Handmade Nintendo Bedspreads

I'm just saying, giant mushroom attacks are getting to be quite common where I live, so having Mario protect me all night would be a great relief.

#13 - Top 13 Things You Should Buy Me

The Cubix Lamp

Quite frankly, this lamp is where form and function meet awesome. All the individual wooden squares are movable, so you position them based on how much light you need.

Oh, also, despite the title, please also feel free not to buy these things for me, as I suspect that they'll all be pretty expensive. But if you're rich, and you're letting your money go to waste in "retirement plans" or "smart investments," then, well, feel free to buy away. I'll be sure to return the favor. *Wink*

Rotten

I have one knuckle (the larger of the two knuckles on my right ring finger) that is especialy dry. While the rest of my hands seem to have a sufficient amount of moisture to keep them from flaking and bleeding, that one knuckle seems to have missed the train to moisturizing-ville.

Odd. Very odd.

Pronounce

Scene: A dressing room, prior to a show, with a group of guys assembled to play cards.

Me: So, I call this game nuclear Uno, but I prefer to call it nuke-a-ler.

He: Is that like when people mean to say library and they say library?

*And there was much laughter in the dressing room*

Comeuppance

Before I get to what I want to write about today, let me explain something that's in vogue in football this year. If it is late in the game, and a team is about to kick a field goal that would help them tie the game or to win it, it has been very popular for the coach on the opposing team to call a timeout at the last possible moment. This usually means that the kicker of the first team has already had an opportunity to kick the ball, and so the idea is that having to kick the ball again will make that kicker be flustered, and perhaps miss the field goal. This is known as "icing" the kicker.

One of the first times that this happened this year was a game between the Oakland Raiders and the Denver Broncos. The kicker for the Raiders set up to kick a 51 or 52 yard field goal (which is just about as long as field goals tend to be kicked), and the play got going, and the ball made it through the uprights. It looked like the Raiders had won, until everybody on the field realized that Mike Shanahan, the coach for the Broncos, had called a time out just prior to the snapping of the ball, so the kick didn't count. The play was set up again, but on the subsequent attempt, the kicker missed the very long field goal, and the Raiders lost the game.

Before I proceed, let me say that I dislike both of these teams anyways just by virtue of the fact that they are in the same division as my San Diego Chargers, so it helps my team do well (ie, advance to the playoffs) when they do poorly. Further, I tend to dislike the Raiders more than the Broncos mostly because their fans are notorious for starting fights at games, getting obnoxiously drunk, and, in general, tending to not be very nice people. Nevertheless, when I saw Shanahan do what he did, I realized that I had a new team in the division to spend my time hating on. You may also draw from this that I, yes, even I, felt sorry for the Raiders. You see, they were an underdog in that game, and, as long as it doesn't affect my team, I like to see the underdog win; it tends to make the game more compelling.

Aside: the "icing" of the kicker is a fairly volatile point in the NFL this year, and there is a lot of talk that they will probably make a rule prohibiting it in subsequent seasons. Some people continue to laud it, by saying that it makes good strategic sense to win by whatever is legally allowed in the rules. To me, it just seems cheap. End of aside.

So, I said all that to say that the Broncos and the Raiders met again yesterday on the field, and the Raiders defeated the Broncos pretty handily, 34-20. And I, even though I dislike the Raiders, smiled for their victory.

Overheard

As I was walking downtown on my way to a late night at the office the other day, I ended up walking by a young and attractive couple, who fairly obviously spoke English as their first language. The following is a snippet of the conversation that I overheard:

Guy: So, I think I'm going to turn over a new leaf at work.

Girl: What?

Guy: I'm going to turn over a new leaf at work.

Girl: "I'm going to turn over a new leaf?" What does that mean?

That's right, folks, you read it correctly. This young woman didn't understand the antiquated expression "turn over a new leaf."

Conclusion: If you are an attractive woman, you can be as dumb as you want, and still be reasonably successful.

Conclusion 2: I wish I were an attractive woman. Stupid XY chromosome.

Engineering

As I walked out the door this morning, my roommate was also awake. While he normally gets up early for work, he doesn't usually get up this early. I asked what he was doing so bright-eyed and bushy tailed so early in the morning, and he said that some people from his work were going up to L.A. to see a taping of American Gladiators.

Ah, to be an engineer on a fun day.

Semi-Hump

Tuesdays and Thursdays are getting to be a little bit difficult. Not to complain too much, but the prospect of working one job in the morning, and then driving to a different job where you need to be there until around 10:30 at night is a little bit taxing, even for those of us who remind ourselves that we are taking definite, concrete steps toward achieving our dreams.

When you add the fact that I volunteered for phone duty tomorrow morning at 6 in the am, well, AC's prospects of quality sleep are vanishing into thin air like so many counted sheep.

Sigh. Even so, I smile.

Sleep

Have you ever been so tired that the idea of sticking toothpicks into your eyelids to keep them open seemed like a good idea?

Yeah, neither have I, but it's getting closer.

Regarding

In reference to my post from a couple of days ago about the audition that I got invited to, I found out yesterday that I got the part. Honestly, I was pretty surprised that I got it at all because I felt that, although my singing went well, my cold reading of the sides was pretty subpar, even though I got the directorial team laughing with each attempt. Nevertheless, I must have done something right if I got in, and by "done something right," I mean, "bribed the director."

While it stretches a bit into the new year, I will get to work for a theatre that I haven't had the pleasure of working for before. In addition, from how everybody I know has been talking about it, it seems like this production is going to have a pretty awesome due to the cast being full of pretty superb local actors.

Me, I'm just glad I keep getting to do shows. I loves it.

Cusp

I've got to start taking better care of myself. What with my day job and the show, I am essentially working two full time jobs, and so any deviation from my normal duties (ie, such as would arise by becoming ill) is not a very good proposition.

I feel myself on the cusp of being sicky. Thankfully, all I'm dealing with right now is a runny nose. I hope that's all I'll have to.

Country

I went to go see the movie "No Country for Old Men" yesterday. It was super violent, but it was a genuinely thought-provoking film. If you are looking for a film that is all about nihilism and post-modernism, you just about couldn't choose a better one.

Morning

A few days ago, I received a call from a theatre that is putting on Guys and Dolls, and they asked me to come in for an audition this morning. I hadn't been a part of the group of folks that originally auditioned, so it's quite flattering for me to receive a call out of the blue and be asked to audition.

I guess I'm doing something right.

Thanks

On this, the day after Thanksgiving, I humbly submit that I would very much enjoy having an additional Thanksgiving dinner from my grandma. Mind you, I had a very fine Thanksgiving dinner, but I no doubt missed some extra special deliciosity.

Mm.

Thanks

On this day, I'd like to just give a somewhat cheesy but very appropriate stanza for the day that is in a song in the show I'm in right now.

When you're worried, and you can't sleep,
Just count your blessings, instead of sheep,
And you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings.

Have a happy holiday, everyone.

Free

Sugar-free Rockstar is one of the most horrible-tasting substances that is advertised as being comestible. It's like I'm being kicked in the most by an irritated donkey who is simultaneously doing its business in and around my mouth.

Writers

I turned the channel from Monday Night Football to CBS at 8:30 last night so that I could see what I hoped would be a new episode of one of my favorite new shows, The Big Bang Theory. This show, in my opinion, is smart, funny, and the characters have heart, which makes it, well, it makes it a pleasant diversion from the normal monotony of sticking my finger into outlets. That's a big bang theory in and of itself.

Nevertheless, my rapture at the prospect of a new episode of a show I enjoy quickly fled my body as I realized that it was a rerun, which was no doubt due to the fact that the writers are on strike. Don't get me wrong, it's a funny show and the rerun was funny. I will however require new episodes.

Therefore, this is my suggestion to the WGA: all y'all should get blogs, and then put advertisements on them. You will make money hand over fist, guaranteed. Ask anyone who has a blog with ads, if you can get them away from shining their jewel encrusted snuff boxes and their diamond monocles. You will make houses full of money, and then you can get back to the most important thing in the world: entertaining me.

Thank you for your time.

Roar

As I passed an antique furniture store on my way to work this morning, I heard a load roaring sound. Obviously, this was likely just a large piece of antique furniture being scooted along the floor, but I, being tired from staying up late playing cards with some folks in the cast, briefly thought that there was a tyrannosaurus rex inside of that antique store, and he was roaring at me. I was petrified with the immediacy of the danger.

Because, you know, a dinosaur in an antique shop is the most likely explanation for a loud noise.

Do you ever take a minute to think about how on earth you manage to function in society? Yeah, most of my minutes are spent thinking about that, and, for the life of me, I just don't know.