Monday, February 09, 2009

Every Timeshare Worker Is a Liar, Plus, Adventures in Surrealism

ACT I

(Scene: A Man in a bowler hat and his wife with a tiny umbrella walk down the Las Vegas Strip)

Man: What a lovely day for a constitutional!

Wife: Rather!

(Enter: a nefarious Penguin)

Penguin: Good day, goody two! Do you like steak?

Man: Do I!

Penguin: Would you like to see a free show?

Wife: Does the pope expunge his bowels in the woods?

Penguin: (With nasty, nefarious maleficence) Then just hop on this bus! It will take you to a vacation-ownership presentation that will take no more than one hour and one half!

Man: Bully! Capital idea!

ACT II

(Scene: Man in bowler hat and Wife with tiny umbrella are seated in a room with other presently happy couples. Sitting with Man and Wife is Imperial Penguin.)

Man: Now I understand this presentation will take no more than one hour and one half.

Imperial Penguin: Absolutely. This meeting will take no longer than one hour and one half. I assume you are already owners?

Man and Wife: (Blinking, in unison) Sorry, no. We sort of assumed us not being owners was what you were looking for when the other penguin got us from off of the street. Har Har!

Imperial Penguin: Absolutely. This meeting will absolutely take longer than one hour and one half.

Wife: But! You just said...

Imperial Penguin: I just said this meeting will absolutely take longer than one hour and one half.

Man: But! Before that...

Imperial Penguin: (Glances at waterfall in corner; water starts flowing backwards) QUACK! QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!

Man and Wife: (Run towards door.)

ACT III

(Scene: Man in bowler hat and Wife with tiny umbrella are seated at a restaurant.)

Wife: I am surprised that the Hawaiian Tropics Zone's waitresses are clad merely in swimsuits.

Man: (Removes bowler hat to reveal a daisy growing out of his bald head) As am I, my dear Wife; as am I.

Curtain

2 comments:

erin said...

I LOVE this. Love.

Mary said...

That is refreshingly funny. Another way to get people to figure out it's smart to avoid those timeshare sales people at the resorts. However, all timeshare "workers" are not liars. In the timeshare resale market there are actually some sales people trying to do right by their customers...one of those being Timeshare Adventures.