To Whom It May Concern:
You, as schools, need students. I, as a hopeful student, need a school. As you can see, these goals are mutually inclusive; or, to use a double negative, these goals are not mutually exclusive. Though I realize that we are not supposed to use double negatives in our writing, I figure that by my pointing it out, you will consider me clever, and I understand that that is the sort of thing in which graduate schools are interested. Please also notice that I left a dangling preposition neither at the end of the last sentence nor in the title of this post.
I realize that you may have been thrown off by the amount of talent that I exhibited in my audition, and you think that you should come and learn at my university. While I appreciate the thought, I firmly believe that it should be the other way around. Please note that this paragraph used sarcasm as well as an exaggerated description of my talent, a hyperbole, if you will.
So, I guess all I'm saying is, give me a shot, baby. Give me a shot.
Your dearest darling,
14 hours ago