Thursday, February 19, 2009

An Open Letter to the Graduate Schools to Which I Have Applied

To Whom It May Concern:

You, as schools, need students. I, as a hopeful student, need a school. As you can see, these goals are mutually inclusive; or, to use a double negative, these goals are not mutually exclusive. Though I realize that we are not supposed to use double negatives in our writing, I figure that by my pointing it out, you will consider me clever, and I understand that that is the sort of thing in which graduate schools are interested. Please also notice that I left a dangling preposition neither at the end of the last sentence nor in the title of this post.

I realize that you may have been thrown off by the amount of talent that I exhibited in my audition, and you think that you should come and learn at my university. While I appreciate the thought, I firmly believe that it should be the other way around. Please note that this paragraph used sarcasm as well as an exaggerated description of my talent, a hyperbole, if you will.

So, I guess all I'm saying is, give me a shot, baby. Give me a shot.

Your dearest darling,
AC

6 comments:

Buttercup said...

Oh my GOSH! Brilliantly executed comedic timing, clever transitions, and intelligently written overall. If I had anything to do with it, I'd pay YOU to come to the school! Not gonna lie...
Reading Analyst Catalyst & the Sweet Spot should be added to my hobbies - I'm such a fan of both of your blogs:)

Analyst Catalyst said...

The solution is obvious: you need to start a grad school. :)

Thany said...

I think you need more alliteration as well as a clear and brilliant execution of pathetic fallacy. Like giant tear drops on the stationary or something.

Buttercup said...

Think I just found my calling:)

Christie said...

I love this! What grad school wouldn't want you? And if they really don't, you should just tell Pete and he'll go with you to trash the place. That would sure teach 'em. :)

Also, the word verification that it wants me to type down below is "peinness". Now I'm just saying, if you sound that out....

Analyst Catalyst said...

Uhm, I think enacting vengeance upon grad schools that didn't accept me is pretty much the American dream. Enacting vengeance with a buddy: priceless.