I auditioned in January. I was told that I was definitely wanted. I filled out my application in early February, in order to make sure I was within the original time frame of when I was told I could be accepted.
As I checked the online portal to view my application status, in continually read "Evaluation." I checked every day in February. The original time frame closed. But still, I was under "Evaluation."
Every day in March.
Half way through April, I wrote an email, asking about the status. Surely other students had been accepted, right? They should know one way or the other on me, right? I received an email back that said they were still working on it, and I should know by May 1 one way or the other.
Every day in April, and nothing on May 1.
In early May, I got some other great news, but I still held out hope for this program. I had auditioned well, people had been excited with me. This was the training that I wanted most of all. The training I had built up my resume to receive. The training I believed I was good enough for.
After May 1, I stopped checking every day. After all that time, I couldn't really believe I still had a shot, but not knowing with certainty is a cruel mistress.
"Hope is the confusion of the desire for a thing with its probability." - Schopenhauer.
Today I log in. There is no, "Evaluation." Instead, I am "Reviewed." "Your application for admission was not approved. You will be informed of the decision by mail. "
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1
I turn around in my desk chair and look over the little view I have of the harbor. The flag was full, the wind still blew.
Like the ant who screamed "I'm significant!", I hoped for more.
14 hours ago