Friday, March 20, 2009

Don't It Always Seem to Go That You Don't Know What You've Got Till Its Gone?

A friend, an acquaintance, and I are currently involved in an eating contest of sorts, except that this is the sort of eating contest where everybody tries to eat as little as possible without dying. That's right, we're in a weight-loss contest, the winner of which will be chauffeured to Las Vegas and will not have to pay for his room. In this way, we are looking to recoup the weight we have lost over the next couple months during the course of one delicious weekend (I have already told the wife that after Easter, we are going to go around and purchase all of the Cadbury Cream Eggs that are on sale, and then on May 15 [which is both my birthday and the end of the contest] we are going to eat them; I think she thought I was kidding [boy, is she in for a chocolatey, egg-like surprise!]).

Because my friend and I are/were involved in sports, we definitely have some trash-talking going on, via email or text message. This trash-talking normally involves mentioning something we think the other person would find delicious, in an effort to get them to trip up and eat it. Here is one of my favorite conversations so far:

Me: I am already down 50 lbs. I cut off my leg. Is self-mutilation outside the realm of this contest?
He: I on the other hand have taken to some oriental philosophies in that I will be losing all my weight by doing nothing. Mind over matter. I can destroy my fat with my mind.
Me: Mmmm...7 layer burrito and a baja chalupa from Taco Bell...Tell you what, friend, the Taco Bell's on me.
He: Haha. If only I liked such slop...I'm up to two shots of wheat grass and a cup of rice today. I feel like I splurged a little, but hey, it's almost Friday. I figured I could treat myself to a big meal.
Me: Two shots of wheat grass and a cup of rice! Luxury! I am surviving off of licking the dumpster behind whole foods!
He: Haha! Amateur!

There are plenty of other text messages that say things along the lines of "You guys had better just give up now." Some time in the next couple days, I am looking forward to sending out the old beauty "You'll lose a lot more calories crying in the corner when I have defeated you than you did over the whole contest."

When my wife looks over these messages, she is pretty horrified at how mean we can be (in the name of having a good [read: bad] time). What can I say? Boys are mean. That's how we do.

6 comments:

Christie said...

Wow! Way to go, AC! Or should I find something really mean to say so you don't think I'm actually supporting you and then give up because of the lack of the I'll-show-em motivation?

Buttercup said...

That is so awesome! Hilarious text messages! Nothing like a little friendly competition to keep things interesting:) I just participated in a similar contest & walked away with the grand prize of $320! We did it by percentage of body fat lost, so while I didn't lose very many pounds, I lost the greatest percentage of my weight. I didn't do anything drastic, just little changes here and there and consistency (prayer!) and it added up. Good luck with your challenge! I'll save a cadbury egg for your b-day:)

Thany said...

Never met someone who consumes the CCE's (that's what we pros call them) like I do. But this year I have an agreement with someone I love who will be giving up the ciggies if I give up the eggs so you will find more to buy on sale if you cruise Poway Road! I will only be eating ONE this year.

Matt and Vanessa said...

Well, just your luck! I have an enormous pallet FULL of "CCE" boxes here in my classroom, and it would be my pleasure to drive them over after work and leave them on your doorstep! I wasn't sure how to get rid of them, and you're JUST the person to take them off my hands!!!... Wow, the Lord really provides, huh? See ya at 6:00! :)

Analyst Catalyst said...

Christie: Constructive or deconstructive, it all helps!

Buttercup: Nice work on making money! We're doing ours on percentage of weight lost vs starting weight, so I have to keep working. Because I weight the most, I have to keep up a ratio of 1.12 pounds to 1 pound of the lightest guy.

Thany: Your one egg may be more delicious than the mounds that I look forward to. I do not know that that will stop me.

Analyst Catalyst said...

M and V: Oh no! I didn't realize I was battling a couple! I will accept the pallet if Matt will accept meals on me from Outback three or four times a week.