Tuesday, April 03, 2007

God Bless Things I Find on Wikipedia

I need to move to one of the following states: Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Texas, Washington, or Wyoming.

Why is that you ask? I need to move there because these states charge no income tax on the state level. Sure, I will have to continue to pay federal income tax, but, because I live in stupid California, I am apparently paying 9.3% in interest tax like a re re (because members of the mentally handicapped community apparently like to pay high income taxes).

Further, I once heard from some family friends that Alaska even pays its citizens to live there. While it's not a whole bunch (I believe that they said that the state pays about $2,000 per person per year), I would assume that people that substain themselves primarily on whale blubber (as far as I can tell) don't care much about the physical comforts in life.

And while we're on the topic of state stereotypes, here are the things that I would look forward to in each of the other states:

Florida: Humidity, old people, and hurricanes, together at last!
Nevada: Free drinks and gambling! Can life get better? I submit that it cannot!
South Dakota: Had I a sister, I could marry her at Mount Rushmore with minimal condemnation from the other townsfolk.
Texas: I could be President of the United States.
Washington: I could live somewhere that provides me no immediate stereotypes!
Wyoming: I could be faced with the inanity of the chart over here (it's about half way down the page), that claims that 6.05% of the the state's Hispanic residents are white. How can this be? Are they lying ("Sir, I can see that you're white...")?

In summary, sucks to your asthmar, California! Get your hand out of my pocket, because I don't like you that way.

4 comments:

Crayl said...

Isn't the marry your sister state Alabama? Arkansas perhaps? And yes, you could live in Washington, but only if you NEVER EVER (because never wasn't enough) mention that you come from California...And while they would never kill a tree just to burn you at the stake, they will glare at you, YOU Californian you! Oregon doesn't have sales tax...just insanely high property taxes.Of course, they too hate Californians. What did we ever do to them?!

Analyst Catalyst said...

I know! Why all of the hate from our neighbors to the north.

The only reason I bring up South Dakota and in-breeding is that my girlfriend is from North Dakota, and she always said that inbreeding was what the North Dakotans suspected the South Dakotans of. Man, there's not even any love in the Dakotas...come on! Even half of your name is the same.

Carol said...

Tsk Tsk, the Dakota's should go to family cousenling, I had no idea!

Greg said...

Yup. One of the few good things about living in Tennessee... although we have a sales tax of 9.25% (and 10.5% on served food). It has its pros and cons.