The Juice

The floor that I work on has a fridge full of drinks that one can purloin for free throughout the day. The only cost is the walk over there, which has actually been a deciding factor against the trip on at least one occasion for yours truly, because I am just that lazy.

This fridge used to have juice, but for the past several months there has been a veritable cold liquified fruit famine on the land of the eighth floor, which leaves us with only sodas or water. We also have a little coffee nook that we can get coffee from, but sometimes you just want something cold, dangit!

So, I walked over to the fridge a few minutes ago in hopes of getting some water to quench my thirst. Sadly, there is often a big rush on water in the mornings (I assume most of the people I work with grew up in a desert, and so the water disappearing quickly is a case of nurture versus nature. I imagine it goes like this: "Guys! There's water in the fridge! We'll never be thirsty again! Let's take all of it! Give some to the camels!"), and such was the case this morning.

This left:
A) Coke,
B) Pepsi,
C) Diet Coke,
D) Diet Pepsi, and
E) A Thirsty AC.

Let me just tell you, you haven't really faced an existential struggle until you stand at the office fridge trying to figure out which of the above sodas is the most "breakfasty."

I eventually opted for Diet Pepsi, but the first two cans that I grabbed were filthy on top, as if someone in the kitchen who stocks the fridge on 8 had said, "I'll stock their fridge, but I'm going to crush these cans of Diet Pepsi in the dirt first, so that they will have to ingest the dirt in order to drink it. This will make up for the inequality of our salaries. Viva la revolucion!" So, just for the taste of it, I had to go with my number two choice, Diet Coke.

Let me say that drinking Diet Coke at ten in the morning really makes you feel like a man; specifically, it makes you feel like a man who drinks Diet Coke at ten in the morning.