Monday, July 24, 2006

An Open Letter to David Hasselhoff

Dear David,

It is being reported that you are set to star in a new musical based on your life. Tentatively and appropriately titled, "David Hasselhoff - The Musical," the show is set to open in Australia before it moves to the U.S.

First, why open it in Australia? Would it not make more sense to open it in Germany? I understand that you have a huge following there.

Second, will this musical feature songs that all of us are dying to hear? I know that I couldn't resist going if the show had songs like, "Don't Hassle the 'Hoff," and "Don't Touch Me, I'm the 'Hoff, D*** It!"

Third, who decided that of all the sad words of tongue or pen, that this in particular needed to be set to music? Why? Who exactly is sitting out there thinking, "You know what? I want, nay, need to know more about David Hasselhoff, and while I could peruse the vast library of information about him online, I would much prefer to see it in a three hour musicalization of his life, which would include a fifteen minute intermission so that I could calm down from all the 'Hoff-ness.' If there were a David Hasselhoff musical, I could die happy right now."

No one is thinking that, Mr. Hoff! Nor will anyone likely ever think that.

Except maybe the Germans. You're huge there.

David, I apologize if I have hurt your feelings by this post. If I have, I suggest running in slow motion down a beach, as that seems to have calmed you down in the past.

Love, your German fan,
AC

13 comments:

FlippingChipmunk said...

Well, I know I can die happy now.

I pray that there will be the dramatic moment when he cuts his arm while shaving. If there is, I'm the sure audience will be sitting on the edge of their seats!

Red Riding Hood said...

Wow, who would have thought...

FlippingChipmunk said...

I sure as crap wouldn't!

Oh look, I changed my profile pic! It's of right before I cut my hair! Isn't it amazing, AC, what you can do with PICTURES on BlogSpot?

Thany said...

Perhaps it will be something like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE

without the flying that is.

Thany said...

OK, I can't take complete credit for that last gem...it was instead sent to me by my hilarious friend (and Queen of Denial) Amy

Analyst Catalyst said...

Thany, that is the funniest and most horrible thing that I have seen in a long time. I love it when he's riding the motorcycle at the end, but his body is randomly flying over it.

FlippingChipmunk, for your viewing pleasure, I have added a profile picture that shows me in my truest form. :)

Red Riding Hood said...

that link...it's just incredible...i just don't know what to say...

Thany said...

You know what you say? You say: That is Hassel-TASTIC!!!!

FlippingChipmunk said...

That picture is too complimentary. I expected more muddy from you.

Analyst Catalyst said...

Yeah, I went for one with more mud, but it ended up being a bitmap instead of a jpeg and then blogger was cranky about it. So I had to go with this one.

I'll put a real one up soon. :)

The gf said...

WHAT THE CRAP IS WITH THAT VIDEO? Was it made for a different country's Music TV? It reminds me of the lipstick commercial that Joey did on "Friends" for men's Blue lipstick or of the Japanese (I think, maybe Chinese) commercials that Gov Arnold did, those are really weird too.

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