It is being reported that you are set to star in a new musical based on your life. Tentatively and appropriately titled, "David Hasselhoff - The Musical," the show is set to open in Australia before it moves to the U.S.
First, why open it in Australia? Would it not make more sense to open it in Germany? I understand that you have a huge following there.
Second, will this musical feature songs that all of us are dying to hear? I know that I couldn't resist going if the show had songs like, "Don't Hassle the 'Hoff," and "Don't Touch Me, I'm the 'Hoff, D*** It!"
Third, who decided that of all the sad words of tongue or pen, that this in particular needed to be set to music? Why? Who exactly is sitting out there thinking, "You know what? I want, nay, need to know more about David Hasselhoff, and while I could peruse the vast library of information about him online, I would much prefer to see it in a three hour musicalization of his life, which would include a fifteen minute intermission so that I could calm down from all the 'Hoff-ness.' If there were a David Hasselhoff musical, I could die happy right now."
No one is thinking that, Mr. Hoff! Nor will anyone likely ever think that.
Except maybe the Germans. You're huge there.
David, I apologize if I have hurt your feelings by this post. If I have, I suggest running in slow motion down a beach, as that seems to have calmed you down in the past.
Love, your German fan,
13 hours ago