Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Six Month Check In

My doctor has had me come in every six months just to check in to see how I'm doing for the last couple years, which I think is pretty nice of him, except for the following inevitable conversation (paraphrased, of course).

Doctor:'re pretty fat, huh?

AC: Yeah, I guess so.

Doctor: Hmm. Well, your blood pressure is somewhere between fire hose and viagra user, so I think that's okay. It's 128/82.

AC: Well, that's good.

Doctor: Yeah, well, maybe, uhm, have I given you any info about the various weight loss classes that are available through our offices?

AC: Yeah, I think so.

Doctor: Well, here is some info about a 12 week class that we have. You should consider it.

AC: Will do.

Doctor: See you in six months. Try to lose some weight.

In all fairness, my doctor is a pretty friendly guy in general, but I am growing to dislike this conversation (accurate though it may be). Part of the problem is that six months always seems like a long time, and I keep saying that I'll start dieting after that next rack of lamb. Unfortunately for me, my time management skills are not so good, and so I easily lose track of when it is that I need to schedule a new appointment. Fortunately, I receive a reminder call before my appointment. Unfortunately, that call is two days prior to the appointment, and, as has been well documented, it is almost impossible to lose the requisite 200 pounds in 2 days.*

Incidentally, my brother has taken up running half marathons. This is easy for him as he is swift as a gazelle and twice a virile. He has encouraged me to try to run one with him later this year. In fact, he wants me, my older brother, and my dad to all run one with him in September. In an effort to get the ball rolling, my wife and I have started going for jogs. It is my hope to get into shape enough to take part with my family.

And, hey, the doctor wants to see me in three months this time, so I hope to have made some progress by then. Wouldn't he be surprised? Hopefully I can get my blood pressure down to the most interesting man in the world levels.

*I am not 200 pounds over weight; however, the doctor's office doesn't have a livestock scale, so it is difficult to say with certainty how much I need to lose.


Buttercup said...

Oh my gosh! Your writing has fantastic comedic flair! That's cool that you guys started jogging:) I went hiking today & I always feel so good afterwards. Tired, but a good kind of tired. Keep writing! I really enjoy your work:)

Matt and Vanessa said...

LOL... I shared the livestock quote with Matt. He got a good laugh. Considering he too now has 4 months I think to lose ** pounds before our child is born, he can comiserate with you. Of course, he didn't have a doctor telling him he was "pretty fat." That's rough. Oh wait.. wy does that sound so familiar? Oh yeah! MY doctor saidit... I wonder if she realizes I have another living human being growing inside me... ?

Analyst Catalyst said...

Haha...I am paraphrasing a bit, of course, but that's the general idea of the conversation.