Monday, January 12, 2009

Top Three Worst Lyrics of 2008

One of the bright sides to having a degree in music (which I humbly submit that I do) is that I can more acutely appreciate when something is flawless than someone who doesn't have as trained of an ear. The big glaring down-side to having a degree in music is that just about everything is not flawless, and so nearly everytime I hear something musical, I am disappointed to the point of either seeking out talk radio or shooting myself in the face (and I can only take so many stories from KPBS about how bad it is to not be me, so a good face-shooting is sounding real good about now).

Even so, I find myself shuffling between the five or six presets I have in my car in the hopes of finding that will encourage my to choose life. Instead, I have found these three songs whose music, admittedly, is catchy, but whose lyrics leave much to be desired.

#3 Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

There's a place that I go that nobody knows
When the rivers flow and I call it home
And there's no more lies in the darkness there's light
And nobody cries, there's only butterflies.

It's that last line that really gets to me. The way the first half is written, it implies that the second half will be the opposite of the first (ie, "And nobody cries, there's only not crying). Instead, we are told that instead of crying, there are butterflies. THESE THINGS ARE NOT COMPARABLE!

To illustrate how bad a comparison this is, let's say that my boss catches me goofing around online, and I respond, "I wasn't slacking off, there was a unicorn."

At that point, I'm pretty sure getting fired would be about the least of my concerns.

#2 So What - Pink

Check my flow (uhh)
The waiter just took my table
And gave it to Jessica Sim...(S***)
I guess I'll go sit with the drum boy
At least he knows how to hit (Whoops)
What if this song's on the radio?
Somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight
He's gonna start a fight
We're are gonna get in a fight.

What I will give this song is that it is incredibly catchy. In fact, the melody has been catchy ever since first grade when kids used to taunt each other with it (pictured below, the child who sold the song rights for a lollipop).

Secondly, why is Pink recording the aural equivalence of that video tape from the movie The Ring? If the song is on the radio, why must someone die? Do they at least get the seven days that Hairy McHairinhereyes gave the tape viewers? Or is Pink expecting that people who hear this song on the radio to get so angry that they start swerving wildly in the hopes that a gracious God will send them into a lamp post so they never have to listen again?

#1 Human - The Killers

Are we human, or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human, or are we dancers?

Wow. There is so much that doesn't make sense about those lyrics that I almost don't know where to begin. Actually, first off, how about the fact that HUMANS AND DANCERS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE EVENTS. I will allow that other creatures can dance (and apparently hold ballet poses).

I can only assume that the person who wrote those lyrics saw the above picture, and came to the following incorrect logical thinking:

Some humans are dancers
Some bears are dancers
Therefore, some humans are bear dancers.

Wait, I think I understand the lyrics now.

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