Monday, September 25, 2006

A Dentist Appointment

I have a confession; I am a liar. Well, I guess I should clarify that I'm not a liar all the time, it's just when I have to go to the dentist.

Why do I lie to the dentist? Why, when he asks about flossing, do I feel the need to upgrade the frequency from "About as often as you hear about Kirk Cameron in the news" to "Oh, once or twice a week"?

Now, some of you might be confused. Some of you are probably asking yourself, "Why not tell him you floss more frequently? I mean, if you're already on the slippery slope of mendacity, why not go all the way?"

The answer to your question, gentle reader, is the fact that I am always afraid that he is going to call me out. It is one thing for a lie to be far fetched, and it is quite another for it to be unbelievable. I am always afraid that if I tell him that I floss every day, and he looks into my mouth, my oral care claims are going to be as unconvincing as OJ Simpson at a convention of innocent people.

Further, when a person legally uses implements of torture as part of his job, you kind of want him to think well of you.

For the record, I'm not all that scared of the dentist; I am just perpetually amazed at how frequently moral dilemmas arise in the seemingly most unlikely of places.


beloved said...

It isn't just those who weild instruments of torture who we feel compelled to lie to... who hasn't dropped a few pounds or added a few inches when filling out a general health questionaire or driver's license form? Who among us has not claimed to exercise "several times a week" while mentally admitting that we are counting the walk up and down the frozen dessert aisle while deciding on quantity versus quality?
I think it is the human condition to want approval from those we have set up as authorities - even if those people make a living sticking their hands in other people's mouths.

AC's Dentist said...

Dear AC, this is your dentist. I'm not mad, just hurt. No, don't apologize. It's too late.

I think you look for a new dentist. One without feelings.

And now to cry myself to sleep...

ac's dentist said...

Also, I'm so distraught that I forgot to type the word "should" in that second paragraph.

superaustin said...

Wow, AC. That's cold. You really should think about your dentist's feelings. Look how sad you made him!

Analyst Catalyst said...

First, Beloved, thank you for your comment. You make some good points about wanting and needing approval from odd sources of authority.

Second, my dentist, I'm really sorry. I thought you knew.