It is being reported that a scene in David Hasselhoff: The Musical will include a scene in which an apparent live baby is thrown into the audience. Fortunately for parents everywhere, the apparent live baby is just a balloon.
In the first place, how are they going to make a balloon look like a baby? I've seen some pretty elaborate balloon animals at your local county fair or at your friendly neighborhood pizzeria on a Friday night, but I have never seen one that makes me yell, "Everyone! Run for your lives! This man works an evil magic that transmogrifies normal balloons into beasts!"
In the second place, I would like to meet the creative brain who came up with this idea. Who is sitting with a group of people brainstorming about this show and comes up with this idea?
Brainstormer 1: Well, we should spend some time talking about his marriage.
Brainstormer 2: Right, and we should definitely talk a bit about Knight Rider.
Brainstormer 1: Brilliant assertion, Einstein, I think that that's about as obvious as talking about Baywatch in this show.
Brainstormer 2: Oh, and your marriage idea is so good?
Brainstormer 3: Guys, guys, hang on. I've got it! What we need for this show is to stage a birth on stage...
Brainstormer 1: Ooh! Like they do in Wicked!
Brainstormer 2: Genius! People love Wicked!
Brainstormer 3: Guys, I'm not done yet. The best part of the scene will be that we will, after the actual birth part, throw a live baby to its death out in the audience. It'll scare the bejeezus out of them.
Brainstormers 1 and 2: ...
Brainstormer 3: Did I say a live baby? I meant a fake one.
Brainstormer 1: I don't know. Even fake babies are going to be expensive.
Brainstormer 2: Word.
Brainstormer 3: It's all right fellows, we'll just use balloons.
Brainstormer 1: I've got to give it to you, balloons do look like babies.
Brainstormer 2: He's right, they do.
Brainstormer 3: So it's settled then; balloon babies to be thrown out at performances. Well, gentlemen, as it is now ten a.m., I propose that, since we have had a very full day so far, what say we all go to our respective homes and sleep on our mattresses stuffed with fifties?
Brainstormers 1 and 2: Agreed.
How can this show fail? It's bulletproof!
9 hours ago