Friday, October 06, 2006

Death to Infidels, or What Was That Again?

I work in a cubicle. I have adjacent cubicles to my left and behind me, and to my right, I have the hallway of the office, which is kind of awesome because I'm really close to free coffee, and it's kind of not awesome because I'm about as far away from the window as a person working in this office can be. I assume that they did this because they consider me the most likely to attempt to jump, and they think that the few extra strides will make me reconsider that choice.

Stride 1: I've had it.
Stride 2: I'm going to jump.
Stride 3: There's no turning back.
Stride 4: I wish I would have brought a sandwich.
Stride 5: I wonder what the cafeteria is having for lunch.
Stride 6: Well, I guess I'll just grab these papers I printed.
Stride 7: Oh Ziggy! The situations you find yourself in!

However, and back on topic, the man in the cubicle behind me is, I believe, in the process of training others, and, because of this, people frequently come to his desk to ask him questions.

I understand that we all have to learn, and normally I wouldn't have a problem with this, but one of the people that frequents his desk is a woman with a medium high voice who is incredibly soft spoken. So, when she comes over to ask a question, all that I can hear is a high pitched murmuring. This is because I am virtually unable to discern any of the individual words, let alones the ideas they are forming.

To give you an idea of what it sounds like, think of Beeker from the Muppet Show.

Imagine him gibbering along as he often does, without actually saying any words. Now imagine that his personal volume has been turned down to just a click or two away from inaudible. You now have an idea of what I'm dealing with over here.

While I appreciate her efforts not to be loud and annoying, because I am guilt-prone and suspicious by nature, I often wonder what it is that she is saying, and I wonder especially whether or not it has to do with me.

For example, while she is likely saying, "So, how is it again that you insert rows with accurate prices into this database," I suspect that she is saying, "Now is the moment to raise our scimitars and issue death to the apparent Apple-hating infidel behind you."

I'm just saying, that you never really know who leaves anonymous comments. If you never hear from me again, it's been a fun ride and I regret nothing.


Greg said...

Haha-- stride seven is the best.

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