Did you know that spiders live in trees? Further, did you know that spiders apparently like to drop down on me at times when I don't expect it? I certainly knew neither of those things, as those things have never really happened to me before in my life.
I now know that this happens.
The first such instance occurred as I was walking to check my mail in the early evening. As I was walking along, singing a song, and peeing on all of the bushes, I suddenly felt something drop on my chest. Upon looking down, I saw a spider who, with its legs, was probably about the size of the wine glass at the top of this page.
I'm not going to lie: I was afraid. The fear touched me in a way that if the gf touched me in that way, I would say, "Don't touch me in that way; it scares me," to which she would respond, "Don't you want to be scared," to which I would respond, "Maybe, but the way you're scaring me scares me like a spider unexpectedly dropping on my chest." This would, of course, be a picture of infinity, much like a snake eating his own tail, and I don't think anybody wants either of those things to happen.
Nevertheless, and fortunately for my noble bloodline, my survival instinct kicked in, and I brushed the spider to the ground. As it lie there, I noticed that it wasn't moving, which leads me to believe that it had a miniature heart attack.
Did you know that spiders have heart attacks? Now you do.
In any case, this really shook me up for the rest of the evening, and by "shook me up," I mean that I was literally shaking for at least ten minutes afterwards. It was as if I had just successfully grappled with a bear, when in fact, I had just brushed off a spider that was already on its last legs.
Now, has something like this ever happened to you? If yes, why didn't you warn me that it could?
3 hours ago