Thursday, April 20, 2006

In Case Anyone Hasn't Heard...

Cruise to Eat Nutritious Placenta

Hollywood actor and Scientologist Tom Cruise is planning to eat Katie Holmes' placenta.

It is the latest in a series of strange revelations by the 43-year-old 'Mission: Impossible' star about the child he is expecting with fiancée Katie Holmes.

Cruise told GQ magazine: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Cruise has also claimed he knew that Katie Holmes was pregnant before she told him.

He has also defended the Scientology belief that women should give birth in silence.

"It's really about respecting the woman. It's not about her not screaming," he told GQ.

Cruise plans to marry 27-year-old Holmes in the summer. He said earlier this month that their baby was due "any day now".

Now, as we all know, eskimos used to, and, as far as I know, still eat the placenta of their young. This is because childbirth is a very difficult thing to go through, and the mothers need the protein that is in the placenta in order to survive.



It is important to note that this has been my working hypothesis all along, namely that Tom Cruise is actually an eskimo woman. It was nice of him to let us in on the secret. Don't worry, Tom, your secret is safe with us.

P.s.: Tom, if you ever really do read this, it's not that I dislike you, it's just that I am a fair-weather friend. You are probably a pretty reasonable guy, what with having been in all of the cool movies that you've been in, and despite some of your questionable movie choices. What I mean is, when I am held up to media scrutiny, and a friend of yours insists that you post about me on your blog in a comical fashion, I would expect nothing less.

Love, your pal,

Analyst Catalyst

1 comment:

:: mandy :: said...

This is better than I could have done, and I even made it in the final remarks. I am pleased. :)

Thank you.