Wednesday, June 21, 2006

An Open Letter to the La Jolla Playhouse

Dear Sirs and/or Madams,

I am an actor and I would like to be involved in one of your productions. Unfortunately, the only show that I've seen audition information for lately was The Wiz, and as I (as I have mentioned here and here) do not consider myself much of a dancer, I didn't think that it was likely that I'd get into that show.

Also, I'm not African American, which may have also played a part in my not thinking I could get in.

What I am good at, besides acting, is yard work, shaving, and eradicating foes.

Therefore, I would like to propose a trade: you give me a little part, I'll do a little yard work. You give me a medium sized part, and I will shave your head or, I guess, your back so long as you don't look like a wookie. You give me a big part, and you can consider your foes vanquished. My only request is that you supply the napalm.

Please consider my offer sincerely as I'm sure that I will have to break at least one of the commandments in order to fulfill my obligation to the above contract, which violates my ethical code.

You can reach me at analystcatalyst at gmail dot com. I am awaiting your offers.

With love and kisses,


Anonymous said...

Thou shalt not mow lawns.

G to the od.


superaustin said...

Dear AC,

This is the LaJolla Playhouse. You are hereby granted the role of Dorothy in The Wiz.

Now, make your way up to Los Angeles for as to vanquish the drive thru attendent at Carl's Jr. who insists that they don't accept credit cards between the hours of 2am and 5am.

We expect to see you at the Playhouse bright and early Monday morning. Please come in costume.

Thank you,

King of LaJoya Playhouse, Esq.
(not superaustin)

Red Riding Hood said...

AC, I think you had them until the "With love and kisses" part. Those La Jolla Playhouse people aren't very cuddly.

Thinking in Ohio said...

AC, I'll hire you to play a HUGE part in a church play if you promise to napalm a few board members while you're here! God did it for Moses in the OT... should work in this new era too, I think!

Thinking in Ohio said...

I'm kidding... Jeez! I've got board members reading my blog and linking to yours... better be careful what I say!

Analyst Catalyst said...

Carl's Junior Employee? Check
No Lawn Mowing? Check
Board Members? Check

Man, I should write open letters about stuff I want more often! Look at these offers!