Monday, June 26, 2006

Thank You, Statement Cookie

The gf and I had a plan all set up for lunch. We had leftovers, and so a delicious and cheap lunch was in our future.

Unfortunately, the heavens were not smiling on us this morning as I did not realize that the bag that I was packing with our lunches had a huge hole in it. Thus, somewhere between packing our lunch and reaching the office, I managed to lose half of said lunch.

Fortunately, the gf and I are troopers, and we decided that we would just get something from the cafeteria and then eat the remaining lunch. What would be simpler?

However, there was a solution set that we had not previously imagined: the cafeteria was actually serving something delectable for lunch. The lunch special for today was stir-fry beef, which, while actually being a little bit more like carne asada, still looked and smelled wonderful. With this realization, our planned cautions for lunch were thrown in to the wind. We bought lunch at the cafeteria, and we ate, and saw that the food, like the creations of the first seven days of creation, was good.

Because our lunches were Asian themed, they came with their own fortune cookies, and by fortune cookies, I mean that I got a fortune cookie while the gf got something else.

Mine said: "Your luck will soon be at a high point." Because of this, I will be taking the next plane to Vegas because a dessert told me that I will soon be lucky. How can I fail?

Hers said: "A hero is a person who does the best with what he has." Uh, I could be wrong, but I was under the assumption that a fortune generally refers to something in the future, whereas this is more or less just a statement of arguable fact. This is on par with the cookie saying, "The sky is blue today," "I was born in the year 1632 in the city of York," or "Happy families are all happy in the same way, unhappy families unhappy in their separate, different ways."*

So, in conclusion, Fortune Cookie Association of America, I am ashamed of you. You need to learn the difference between a statement and a fortune. When you do, you will be returned to my good graces.


P.S.: Thanks for the good luck! I anticipate that I will soon be sitting atop giant piles of money.

* I just wanted to point out to everyone that I am a literary god, and by literary god I mean that I know the opening quotes to at least two books. Thanks.


superaustin said...

I often end up with advice cookies. I don't like it when my dessert presumes to correct my faults.

Analyst Catalyst said...

Even if they are delicious? There is a Chinese restaurant that I go to sometimes that dips the cookies in white chocolate.